November 2, 2011

U Raise 'Em . . . We Cage 'Em

T-shirts sold by the Twin Rivers Police Officer's Association - the quote and picture of a young child behind bars is on the back of the shirt, and the Twin Rivers Police Officers Association logo is on the front. Apparently, the state education code allows school districts to form police departments, and the Twin Rivers District Police Department is tasked with protecting schools.

I have to admit, part of me thinks this is pretty asinine, but another part of me is chuckling at the dark humor. I'm sure the asshole that designed the T-shirt is thinking we all need to lighten up a little.

H/T the Agitator

u%20raise%20em%20we%20cage%20em.jpg

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July 28, 2011

Motions and Orders

I do not personally vouch for the validity of any of these and I can only assume they are legit. If you have any to add, feel free to email or post in the comments. Via our local defense listserve today:

Order for deposition at state line

rock paper scissors

jury trial cancelled

Via Mark Bennett: Best Motion in Limine

Via DA Confidential: Motion to Compel State's Attorney to Drop his Accent

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May 1, 2011

A vocabulary lesson from Lynn Dannheisser

The city attorney for Surfside, Florida, speaks out against evil bloggers who threaten the good name of herself and her local government. I don't really have anything to say about local government in Surfside, Florida - if you are interested, Scott Greenfield lays it out at Simple Justice, the South Florida Lawyers Blog has a bit about it, and the blog she is complaining about, Save Surfside, can be found here.

I am, however, fascinated with the vocabulary lesson contained in Ms. Dannheisser's amazing speech, which contains new words I have not heard before, and which takes familiar phrases and uses them in new, intriguing ways. Parts of the speech are poetry, pure and simple. For example, in describing the bloggers at issue, she says:

- they are "purveyors of irresponsible lies and distortions"

- "cyberbullies" who "plague the Town of Surfside"

- they are "persistent and purposefully uninformed"

- they are "cyber-swaggerers" (love it)

- she defines "truthiness," giving credit where it is due (to Stephen Colbert)

- "blogs have turned into kangaroo courts"

- and my favorite quote: "with the click of a send button, cyber-bullies throw proverbial rocks through your window and burn crosses on your lawn" Wow.

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January 20, 2011

Sober friend

In Texas, they arrest people for driving under the influence while on a horse. In Montana, horses are your friend and will take you home after you've had too much to drink:

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January 19, 2011

Police pick up drunken owl

German police took a brown owl into custody on Tuesday, alleging that the owl had had too much to drink:

The Brown Owl didn't appear to be injured and officers quickly concluded that it had had one too many. One of its eyelids was drooping, adding to the general impression of inebriation.

"It wasn't staggering around and we didn't breathalyze it but there were two little bottles of Schapps in the immediate vicinity," said Otruba. "We took it to a local bird expert who has treated alcoholized birds before and she has been giving it lots of water."

The bird will be released once it has sobered up, police said.


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September 13, 2010

Thanks, didn't know I was a fashion blogger

Anyone else getting these? 30 seconds here and there are starting to add up. This is on a level with the optimization specialists who are lamenting that my blog shows up on page 10 in a google search for divorce lawyers in the Seattle area.

Hi,

I’ve also just launched a giveaway on my site and I was hoping perhaps you might consider very briefly mentioning it? I would very gladly send $80 via paypal for a brief mention. I'd also create an exclusive discount for your readers as well.. I was hoping to get support of fashion bloggers like yourself to help generate awareness of our brand. If this wasn't something you were interested in perhaps I could send you a pair of boots to review? Hope to hear from you soon!

Hope I haven’t wasted your time..

Best Wishes,
Michael Hodge


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April 13, 2010

Not pleading "sissy"

In S.C., as in most cases, we have "no contest" pleas in misdemeanor courts and "Alford" pleas for felonies - the generally accepted definition is that in either case you are not admitting guilt to the offense but you are pleading to it anyway because you feel that you would be convicted at trial and you do not want to risk a harsher sentence at trial.

Rarely will I recommend to a client that they enter an "Alford" plea - in many cases defense lawyers, prosecutors, and judges will use it as a way to get a person to plead guilty even though they are maintaining their innocence - it is easier than a trial for everyone involved. On the other hand, if a person is maintaining their innocence, no-one should be forcing them to enter a guilty plea, and the defense lawyer should be working on building their case instead of working on ingenious ways to convince them to plead guilty.

There are some cases - where a person cannot remember what happened because of a blackout caused by intoxication, and the evidence is overwhelming - where I think that an Alford plea is appropriate. There are other situations where it may be appropriate, like where the nature of the plea could affect a pending civil action and it is important that there is no admission that can be used against the person later. But it is still a conviction and it is still on the person's record.

Early in my career there was a judge from Oconee County that earned my respect by always asking a defendant, "You wanna tell me what you did?" during the plea colloquy, and if what they told him did not match the elements of the crime charged he would not accept the plea. If a person is pleading guilty to a crime they need to admit that they committed the crime, and not waffle about whether they are in fact guilty. That judge would not take an Alford plea either, unless the person was intoxicated at the time of the incident and could not remember what had happened, there was evidence that would be enough to convict him at trial, and the person was gaining the benefit of a bargain by accepting the plea offer.

Back to the title of this post - I've recently discovered the blog Overheard in Court, and I discovered this gem that was posted there month before last:

It’s not uncommon for defendants in misdemeanor court to waive counsel and proceed pro se on a plea. The other day I was prosecuting such a defendant and explaining the offer we were making him on his criminal case.

He told me he wanted to take the offer, and I told him he could choose to plead either “Guilty” or “No Contest.” I started to generically explain the difference… “When you plead guilty, you’re admitting you committed the crime; when you plead no contest…”

He broke in and said: “Well, that’s just a sissy way of sayin’ guilty, isn’t it?

He then informed me he had “no desire to plead ’sissy.’”

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April 5, 2010

Easter Bunny attacked in New York

The Easter Bunny was attacked on Wednesday outside a candy store in New York. What is the world coming to?

It appears even the Easter Bunny is vulnerable to random acts of violence.

According to state police, a man with an apparent axe to grind attacked a woman dressed as the Easter Bunny outside a Hudson Valley candy store Wednesday

Update: The Easter Bunny came back to work, but brought some muscle this time. Rascal the Racoon showed up with the Easter Bunny Friday, wielding a baseball bat and ready to rumble.

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December 28, 2009

Football

From Fitsnews.com: attorneys in Alabama requested a continuance in a written motion on grounds that the trial date conflicted with Alabama playing at the national championship game in Pasadena, California, an event for which they had bought tickets. Motion granted. Excerpt:

8. It is also understood that many of the witness involved are trying to acquire tickets to the game and/or scheduled to be at the game in Pasadena on January 7th and certainly any juror selected to participate will likely be preoccupied and not able to devote their full attention to the case before them during the week of January 4, 2010, and therefore, the parties would be prejudiced by the distraction caused by such a major event of such significant importance to so many people in this State.

9. ROLL TIDE!! ( although my secretary is for the other great team of this State, she feels that I need to attend this championship game!); and may the Longhorns be defeated.


/s/ Jon B. Terry______
JON B. TERRY

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December 19, 2009

D.C. cop takes a gun to a snowball fight

Via Balko: a D.C. cop gets pissed at kids having a snowball fight and wades into the fray with his pistol.

CNN reports that anti-war protesters dressed in black, wearing masks, and carrying anti-war signs began to pelt passing cars with snowballs. Really, the first cop that appears to cause the ruckus is not shown drawing his weapon on camera, although he pulls his jacket back and has his hand on it. Then a second officer arrives on scene with gun drawn - apparently he was responding to a call that there was a man in the crowd with a gun. Except the man in the crowd with the gun was the first (plainclothes) cop, who was busy yelling at the kids (throw another snowball! go ahead!).

Looks like they were having a blast - except for the plainclothes cop named Baylor (sp?) who was pissed off because he got hit with a snowball. In the middle of a snowball fight. With his gun. The second officer clearly was only there looking for the dangerous guy (Baylor), and had his gun drawn but aimed down by his leg until he realized that it was a cop causing the ruckus.

Update: better video from Reason.com, showing Baylor with his gun, shoving one person, and grabbing another and dragging them to his hummer:

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December 5, 2009

Myrtle Beach police help man get his drug money back

H/T Law and Baseball:

A Myrtle Beach man was arrested for punching a man and stealing his money after he told the victim he would help him buy marijuana.

This would be more amusing if we hadn't defended so many people with nearly identical charges. Still . . .

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November 29, 2009

DUI enforcement, at the gates

While driving home from the office this weekend I saw a trooper with his blue lights on in the parking lot of Remedies, a bar in Myrtle Beach, giving a guy field sobriety tests directly in front of the entrance to the bar. Now, either the guy was pulled over and just happened to stop in the parking lot of a bar, or he didn't get a chance to get out of the parking lot before the trooper put the blue lights on. I really should have driven back by to see who the trooper was, but didn't.

That's taking DUI prevention and enforcement to new levels - everyone in the bar sees blue lights through the windows and watches as the cops humiliate a guy with roadside exercises then put the cuffs on him. How many people, drunk or not, do you suppose called a cab after that dog and pony show?

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November 21, 2009

Citizens arrest

Citizens self arrest form. Because:

If you witness a crime, it is your civic duty to report the crime to the police. When a crime is committed, you have the right and responsibility to make a "Citizen's Arrest". Thus, if YOU commit a crime, it would be extremely helpful (and provide a savings of tax dollars) for you to perform a Citizen's Self-Arrest.

Made easy with a handy dandy online form supplied by the University of Oklahoma Police Department.

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November 13, 2009

Legal marketing

This is hilarious, and what is sad is that there are real ads out there that come close to this - note that this guy uses some of the stock photos that you see in lawyer's websites:

Edit: I just realized that google is running ads for local attorneys across the bottom of the screen when you watch the video. Priceless.

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September 18, 2009

Tip for would-be burglars

Don't check your facebook page while robbing a house. If you do, make sure that you log out before leaving.

MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings.

Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday one count of felony daytime burglary.

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